It has been way too long since I posted a blog! Sorry for those of you who have been keeping up that it has been so long! Unfortunately, this will be one of my last entries because I leave The Oasis tomorrow morning and fly home to Texas on Sunday. (Bear with me, because this will probably be my longest post yet, so get ready!)
To say that I am excited is an understatement. I miss my parents, my sister, my friends, my boyfriend, my own bed, and so many other things! There are also those little things about The States that I will be so happy to come back to, like actually throwing my toilet paper in the toilet and not being afraid to drink water from the faucet, or brush my teeth for that matter.
But of course, as much as I am looking forward to those things, saying goodbye is going to be one of the hardest things in the world for me. My last post detailed the opportunity I had to spend time with my dear friend, Emma, and this week God has continued to allow me opportunities to be there for her. A few days ago she called me into her room and said she had something for me. She gave me a little stuffed lamb and a picture of her with a note on the back that just about made me ball! I have already shed tears over having to say goodbye, especially to her, and I am hoping I can just hold it together until I leave.
The last few days have actually been quite the adventure. All of our Tías left for a House Parent Retreat so I, along with the 3 other interns here, had the lovely task of being substitute Tías for each of our houses. My house is Casa Naranja, and I have 11 girls. 8 of those 11 girls are all under the age of 12, and I had quite the experience. To be perfectly honest, I have never been more exhausted or more frustrated in my life. One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with while I have been here is that while, for the most part, all of these girls seem so happy and well-adjusted when you first meet them, there is not a single girl (at least in my house) who doesn’t struggle with some sort of anger issues.
Based on their pasts and the horrific things that these girls were put through at such young ages I completely understand why they have these issues and why they choose to act out so much. Having to deal with those experiences would make me angry too. Just hearing some of their stories makes my blood boil.
When I first got here, I talked with a CAM missionary who said something that took by complete surprise, and I really didn’t understand it initially. He told me that a lot of these girls can be pretty hard to love sometimes. I will admit, in my first few weeks here, I thought he was crazy for saying that. They were all so sweet to me. How could they be hard to love? After living here for 2 months and especially after covering the house for my Tías for 3 days, I understand what he meant.
Everyone who comes on a mission trip will have preconceived notions; it´s our human nature. My preconceived notions were that I would come into The Oasis, and all of the girls would be so willing to listen to the Gospel and respect what I had to say and everything was going to be just great. While I knew they would have deep issues to deal with from their past, I thought that they would be SO willing to listen. What I found after being here was the truth of what this missionary said: sometimes they really are hard to love. When you have to watch out for 11 girls, and at least 4of them at any given time are either a) screaming in your face b) outright disobeying/lying to you or c) simply not listening, extending love isn’t the easiest thing in the world.
I would never want to imply that I do not love these girls, because I have more love for each of them than I ever thought I could. They have taken a small piece of my heart that will always stay here in Guatemala. That is why it is going to be so hard to leave. On the other hand, I cannot lie and say that I worked with complete angels 24/7 during my time here. I am sure there were times when I was a kid that my parents were ready to pull their hair (with the exception of my Dad haha!) out because of my disobedience. It’s not that there was ever any point that they did not love me, but extending grace to me was probably not easy. This was just one of the MANY times during this trip that God chose to teach me something about forgiveness, grace, and love. During my “Tía-ing” two verses kept popping into my head as I was about ready to pull my hair out so many times:
“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die – but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” -Romans 5:6-8
and
¨If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same” -Luke 6:32
I think these are pretty self-explanatory. In order to save me God not only died, but willingly spilled all of His blood and was executed in one of the most horrific ways in human history; knowing that I would consciously and willingly disobey and sin against Him. Knowing that, and completely understanding that I am the chief of sinners, God has called me to the same type of love, grace, and forgiveness. While that doesn’t make it easier to extend grace, it makes it that much more apparent that I have to lean on God to work that out in my heart. My human nature, which came out several times during the past few days, would have rather just yelled at the girls instead of teaching them obedience in a way that showed them love.
As I think back on my experiences over the last 2 months, I see how God used this experience to teach me and grow me so much. When I get back to the States after my debriefing in Dallas and MUCH needed time with family and friends, I will be so excited to reflect and share all of the things that He showed me because there are a LOT!
I have a feeling this might be my last post while in Guatemala. To those of you who have supported me, either financially, through prayer, with much needed words of encouragement, or a combination of the three, I cannot thank you enough. God has provided for me a HUGE support system that I have been amazed by. All of the emails, facebook messages, skype sessions, etc., have been more of an encouragement than I could ever begin to explain.
Please continue to pray for these sweet girls. I love them VERY much, but I also know that they all still have some very hard issues to overcome. Pray that the girls who have been called by Christ and have accepted the Gospel will just fall on Him and allow Him to carry them through these tough times. For the girls who, unfortunately, are only “Christian” by name, pray that the Lord will soften their hearts and teach them of His unconditional love for them, that the truth of the Gospel isn’t a list of rules and regulations to be followed. I love you all and thank you again SO MUCH for your support over the past 2 ½ months. I seriously can’t believe it truly is coming to an end, and this is an experience I will never forget.
“I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.” –John 10:14-16
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