"If I Die in Guatemala, I die in Guatemala. If I don't, I don't."

What might seem like a pretty morbid quote to start off this post is actually a direct quote from the sermon I heard tonight at church, New Life, from my pastor, Allen.

We are going through a series on Ruth at New Life, and tonight the sermon was all about trusting in God's providential care for our lives. It was a sermon I definitely needed to hear, and not just in terms of my upcoming trip. There were some amazing things that Allen said that God used to really speak to me.

1. Allen explained that people can do one of two things when they don't fully trust in God with their futures. The first is Frantic Activity; people will go crazy trying to make every possible preparation and go to extended, almost crazy lengths to make sure their future is taken care of. They micromanage everything in their life and won't stop until they get exactly what they want. The second is despondency; basically it's pure laziness. These people do virtually nothing to work for things in their future. These are the people who are careless about their future and are not proactive in the slightest bit. Of course, these are two extremes, but, like all extremes, people usually err on one side or the other. I am the type of person who errs on the side of despondency. I would rather just not think about my future, and I tend to always say, "it will take care of itself." While I can't do this sermon justice, Allen explained that both sides of this spectrum are wrong. The Frantic Activity holds so tightly to control over the future, that letting God take control is close to impossible. The despondency pushes God's omniscience and providential care to the side; his control over our lives is out of sight, out of mind. As Allen spoke, I realized that because I err on the side of despondency, I have not come to terms with what my future might look like. It is a GOOD thing to prepare for and think about my future. It should just be thought of in terms of GOD'S WILL for what my future should look like. Pushing it out of my mind is just as reckless as thinking about it 24/7/365.

2. Allen talked specifically about death. As humans, we will ALL suffer the penalty of death. We are sinful both by nature and choice. We will all die. But another beautiful thing about having a life in Christ is that we can live without fear of death. We know for an absolute fact that it is coming, but we can also rest in the fact that we will be reconciled to Christ after death.

3. Several members of our church are taking a week-long mission trip to Guatemala over spring break. As Allen unpacked this idea of death and what our view of it should be, he brought up Guatemala. Simply put, it's not a very safe place to live. That's when he uttered the words that title this post, "If I die in Guatemala, I die in Guatemala. If I don't, I don't." He went on to explain that because God is in control, the day that we die and leave this earth is the day that THE LORD WILLED. None of us will die any sooner than when it is God's will for us to be dead. It made me come to terms with the fact that I could die in Guatemala. I don't say that to make myself seem like a martyr or put some sort of ominous weight on this trip. Frankly, I could step outside tomorrow and get hit by a bus. NONE OF US ARE GUARANTEED TOMORROW! I am not even guaranteed that I will live long enough to go on this trip. I prepare for it and plan for it because I firmly believe that is God's will for my life. If I die tomorrow, to God be the glory. If I die in Guatemala, to God be the Glory. If I die when I'm 85 with a husband, children, and grandchildren to succeed me, once again, to God be the glory!

We must trust in God's providential care for our life. He will take care of our necessities. As Allen said tonight (I am paraphrasing), "Our greatest necessity is not any earthly need. Our greatest necessity is reconciliation to God, The Father." God has already given us our greatest need, how much more proof do we want that he will provide for our earthly needs as well? So, if I die in Guatemala, then I die in Guatemala. If I don't, I don't. But either way, WHEN I die, it will undoubtedly be the very second that God wills it to be.

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" -Matthew 6:26-27

Tickets

Today has been a memorable day. I kind of took what I consider to be the "last step" in this whole preparation process. I purchased my plane tickets. Every time I post, I say how much more real this whole thing is becoming, and the same holds true tonight. I don't think what I am doing is going to sink in until I actually board my flight in Houston, but this is just crazy. I not only know the days that I will get there, but I know exact times of day.

It was a big deal for me to finally purchase those plane tickets and to finally have a tangible view of this trip. When I purchased the tickets I was asked, "How do you feel?" My answer was, "A little bit of everything...excited, anxious, nervous, happy, curious..." But now, as I sit here writing this I feel only one thing, a sure sense from the Lord that this trip for the summer is undoubtedly from Him. I feel a beautiful peace about it. My safety will be much less, my comfort zone is going to be MILES from home, my support system will be gone, and yet I have never felt so much beautiful confidence in the Lord that I will be completely taken care of. He is with me, and is leading me to this place for a purpose. All I can do is trust His will and set my eyes towards Him in worship to the ultimate end of glorifying His name and living for HIS KINGDOM.

Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise from the end of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that fills it, the coastlands and their inhabitants. Let the desert and its cities lift up their voice, the villages that Kedar inhabits; let the habitants of Sela sing for joy, let them shout from the top of the mountains. Let them give glory to the Lord, and declare his praise in the coastlands.

-Isaiah 42:10-12